on a mission to embody grace and compassion in all relationships

Freedom Prayer

This is the ninth in a series on My Faith Journey.  (If you prefer to listen, click on the arrow below.)

Nine years ago on January 16, 2003, I wrote the following words in my journal late one evening when I was alone:

Tonight, I got on my knees by my couch at home after feeling a strong urging in my heart or gut to do so.

God, I am ready to be free from the effect that my mother’s death had on me when I was 10 and how it has affected me regarding relationships since.

Simple, clear, concise . . . from my heart.

Inside, I felt it was time to accept this truth by faith and begin living “as if” it was true.

I want to love someone with my whole heart, holding nothing back.

How could I know that years of therapy had prepared me to be vulnerable enough with God finally to pray this prayer and mean it?  I had unconsciously locked a corner of my heart around the sharing all of my feelings with significant relationships, thus blocking the possibility of intimacy.

How could I know that I could be changed with a prayer that was so simple?

How could I know that less than two weeks later on January 29th I would be swept off my feet by Mary Beatrice Sullivan in Chapel Hill, NC and marry her nineteen months later?

Vulnerable, heart felt prayers create intimacy with God and others.

Since then, for me the purpose of prayer is not so much convincing God to give me something as much as it is for me to be willing to change.

And then to live like it.

What have you been prepared to pray?  What areas have you locked away due to hurt, grief, or anger?

Go ahead, speak it from your heart, let it go, be not afraid.





  1. kathy

    I am ready to live free of the devastating effects my mother’s mental/emotional illness has had on me for almost 49 years now, and continues to have. I am ready to be free of it, let go of it, and live the abundant life I was created to live.

    Malcolm, thank you.

  2. Malcolm

    Kathy, thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable here and sharing your readiness to be free. My experience is this is about 90% of the journey.

    The next step for me was to thank God for the answered prayer and then making an internal shift to start living into the new reality.

    Peace and grace to you,

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